2015, July 7 – 673 – my mortality

thoughts of mortality
creep into my mind
newfound consciousness
and reality
a cognizance quite deep
that pushes through the fog
a sharp pang of truth
without camouflage
that pierces all my defenses
a fear quite primitive
and new
that my time is almost over
that now will only last a second
and i will soon be done
despite the many years i’ve lived
waiting to live
and being pushed along
not knowing what i want
but passively waiting to learn
and for the lesson to find me
and teach me
wasting time in uncertainty
self doubt and self criticism
and following my own imaginary rules
time spent obeying the fear of now
and not obeying the darkest fear
that ends the road ahead
and leaves me nothing
a nothing i am seeing much closer
that i want to wait for
because the distance passes quickly
and i don’t know how far i will go