Tag: fight

2015, April 19 – 473 – found

darkness dwells within
a fear I can not fight
anxious grasping dread
that aches to be filled
desperation screams inside my head
frantically clawing at my soul
threatening to consume me
with a flood of hateful thoughts
a bitter mental bile
burns my timid heart
still healing from a mortal wound
and breathing shallow breaths
clouds of pain and doubt
swirl around my mind
as I slowly slip below
and fall into my storm
to drown alone.

But everything is swept away
in a moment,
with a soft kiss
and a warm embrace.

2015, January 19 – 160 – anger 2

Anger to lash out.
Why am I so broken?
I compare my bad to others’ good.
I can’t see who I am.
I can’t see what other people see in me.
All I see are vague flaws
and slow progress,
so much so it makes me depressed.
anxiety and stress that crowd me
and I don’t know how to face,
only to run away,
but I can’t.

trying to fight
can’t accept

leading me down empty paths and hallways
to empty walls with no doors
and rooms that echo,
stretching my sanity
but only from the inside
so I don’t show the cracks

I can’t breathe.

What is wrong with me?
I want to sabotage myself.
It’s so easy with nothing to lose,
maybe I just imagined the progress.

Ah, I give up.

2014, December 29 – 76 – depression 7

Slowly slipping into darkness
watching life whither away
so easy to succumb,
but I cannot let it
grasp me as I struggle
strangled by a mindless trap

strength will not help me
fight against a stronger foe
with weapons sharper than paper or sword

strength is not enough

nor can friendly hands from afar
pull me safety
or save me from drowning,
forcing life into my lungs,
into my heart,
into my soul
with words of kindness and love

only from within me
can I find the air
and strength, and love and light
to save me from myself,
from the darkness in my corners

I must let the darkness envelop me
but not breathe its horrid fumes
to see it and accept it
for it is part of me,
but not all of me

to draw upon like brackish water
and give to mangrove roots of the tallest trees
so I can climb and see the sky
and all the forest beneath its blue
to count the leaves
and butterflies
before I return to common ground
and live anew.